Not Such a Secret

"I'm from New Jersey. I'm seventeen. I'm Pakistani. I'm Pre-med. I'm majoring in Biomedical Engineering. And, oh, I'm a diabetic."

This statement came out of my mouth several dozen times when I started my undergraduate studies. From the first time I was away from the cocoon of my family, I always disclosed my diabetes. But I also treated it as an afterthought. Therefore, everyone around me didn't really notice the diabetes. Usually it was exactly what I wanted except for the few occasional times people forgot.

Why did I tell them? Because it made me feel safe to know the people closest to me knew well about my "serious" medical condition. And because my mother always told everyone for me. Loudly. And vehemently. But after freshman year, the splurge train about my diabetes didn't roll out very often. Mostly because I felt too independent (read: cocky teenager) to share about my life with the big D everyday. It was my own mental hurdle to overcome. I nonchalantly told my research advisers about it and they never really cared about the days off or extra snack breaks. I'm lucky that nothing horrible has ever happened with my diabetes, but planning for the worst case scenarios has always given me a safety blanket.

Since becoming an active participant in the DOC, I bring up my diabetes more often than I used to, but my "it's no big deal" attitude towards it hasn't changed at all. I'm still learning about what kind of people to tell in what manner. Sometimes inundating people with facts is not the right way to go. Sometimes not telling them enough makes them feel less important or unintelligent. Sometimes they just figure it out by watching me inhale glucose tabs or stab my fingers.

What I recently realized is that I shouldn't be ashamed of my diabetes and all it entails. I can scream that I have diabetes from the roof tops. I shouldn't be embarrassed by the beeping or the bleeding. Now, I do have stuff to be embarrassed about (like my guilty pleasure music or not zipping up my fly) but all in all my slacker pancreas and the havoc it causes shouldn't ever bring about shame. Because I can't control everything. I try to do my best and remember all the things I am without diabetes ever coming into the picture.

I am adventurous.

I am a rock climber.

I am smarter than the average bear.

I am a student.

I am caring.

I am a daughter, a sister, and an aunt.

And I am thriving with diabetes (in case you didn't know).

This post is my March entry in the DSMA Blog Carnival. If you’d like to participate too, you can get all of the information at http://diabetessocmed.com/2012/march-dsma-blog-carnival-2/

The New, The Old, and the Restless

The New: I ventured to the Sanofi US Headquarters on Monday for a super tiny focus group with Joslin Diabetes Educators for a new training program: "Are You on the Road to Living Well with Diabetes?" Most of my excitement stemmed from the fact that I found out about all of this through Twitter. While I thought the material was pretty repetitive, I realize that they're hitting their target audience (newly diagnosed / searching for better control) really well. I did learn a few things here and there, and I love their new analogies for diabetes control. Plus, there's a magic number for your microalbumin that you should know: under 30 for happy kidneys. I spent the better part of the session trying to keep myself from blurting out answers to questions for the program mangers and hug the other people in the session (must pretend to be polite, right?). The really cool part was that I got a free HbA1c just for answering some questions. My results show that I'm still at the same spot (6.2) even though I'm eating differently and working out more. I'm much happier about that, because I'm doing it without being low 24/7. Curious to see about my cholesterol levels with the new diet but my lipid panel must wait until June.

The Old: My car is all better. No check engine light. I'm not sure if I can feel a difference in how it drives (or if I'm supposed to) but I will find out very quickly in the next week with copious hours driving from state to state (it's spring break, don't cha know?). Despite the many hours in my car, I still have a ton of work to get done so that's going to be... interesting?

The Restless: I WANT TO KICK MY BUTT INTO GEAR. To do anything. I don't know what's up with my motivation lately. I want to scream. I want to run and jump and tumble. I want to accomplish something. Any recommendations on how to do so would be helpful.

HOPE for a Cure Day

March 1st was Hope for a Cure for Diabetes Day. That's a mouthful to type to label just one day. Here's my hand.

For more shots of people hoping, check out the Facebook page!

Focus on the Forward (Not the Backward)

I can't start a post about the future without touching upon the past.

This past year, I've made real connections with more diabetics (type whatever) than I ever have before. I've gone from being relatively alone (minus those silly voices in my head) on this tireless journey with my friend, diabetes (I'm thinking she's gonna have to be nicknamed Bete soon) to trying to remember who is in which time zone. I met more and more new friends with diabetes that have inspired and supported me. Just rattling off names and numbers (like a good engineer?) wouldn't describe the type of connection and hope that each person has given me through a few simple moments. I was also very lucky to get my hands on my (relatively) unbreakable Eggy who has helped me bring me a little more control. I've been blessed on all these accounts.

So the one diabetes-related thing I'm looking forward to for 2012 is building more of those relationships. Meeting more people I can lean and more people who can lean on me. Getting out into the real world a little more. Teaching one more person that people with diabetes can do whatever we set our minds to despite a paperweight for a pancreas. Showing one more person that we all have our moments of weakness and struggle. The diabetes community is vast and diverse. Sometimes it is really difficult to believe that there are so many of us doing so many amazing things. And sometimes that amazing thing is just saying hello.

Now that I'm here and now that I've found you, I can't imagine going back. Back to fighting this on my own. Back to fighting this silently. Back to fighting this just for me.

This post is my January entry in the DSMA Blog Carnival. If you’d like to participate too, you can get all of the information at http://diabetessocmed.com/2012/january-dsma-blog-carnival/.

So much to write about...

SO LITTLE TIME.

I feel like I barely have breathing room at the moment. I was a little disappointed that I haven't been able to fill you in on all the interesting, exciting, and frustrating things going on at the moment.

I've almost survived a whole semester of doctoral work. All I have left:

• 18 Days
• 3 Papers
• 2 Exams
• 1 Presentation (not in peaaaaaaaar treeeee!)
• Many many sleepless nights...

DMeetUps:

• Babs (@babssoup) & Her Husband (@kssoup)
  Easily one of the cutest couples ever. We went out to the Macaroni Grill and it was awesome because we played with crayons on the table cloth. And Lobster Ravioli. I made them my Chocolate Chip Cheesecake Cookies. Babs and I talked for hours about... well... everything. It was fantastic.
• Cherise (@diabetic_iz_me)
  Someone who's impacted so much change wanted to meet little old me? And she had a special request for some pumpkin pie (and she got a WHOLE lot more baked loving in sugar cookie madness). I loved listening to her ideas and drive to reach as many diabetics out there as possible. Tons of fun on our brief breakfast encounter.
• Steven and Stephanie of LivingVertical (@LivingVertical) [Okay not quite but it's coming!]
  I'm in awe of these two, because they managed to figure out how to do what they love ALL the time, instead of just as a hobby. They're overcoming diabetes one rock at a time across the US everyday of 2012. They went climbing this weekend in Boston with my awesome friend, Fatima (@shahzadii). Let's just say they were on my mind and here's the photographic proof that I was on theirs!

Diabetes Adventures (in brief):

• Switched Infusion Sets from the Silhoutte to the Mio!
  - Love that I can tell the tubing where to come out from. Makes alternate sites a little less complicated
  - Had a few fights with the built-in inserter, but I think we're on better terms now
  - Not totally comfortable with removing the needle by pulling on a giant plastic hub
  - Day 3 seems to be a little on the less effective side. Play around with that later.

• I tried putting my Dexcom in on my hip (didn't go so well)
  - Thought moving my Dex to somewhere else would be easier than using alternate site for infusion sets
  - Good logic, poor execution
  - May not have worked cause I was in such a hurry (welcome to the whirlwind that is my life)
  
  
• Terrifying experience at the Pharmacy
  - Called in for Test Strips and Novolog
  - Test strips needed a new prescription but they'd call the doc
  - Arrive at pharmacy to find JUST test strips waiting for me
  - Apparently the last pharmacy (in NH) had billed the insurance for 3 months for a 1 month supply
  - Insurance wasn't going to cover more right now
  - Pharmacy in NH said they'd just give me the difference when I came there
  - Wasn't planning on making that 5 hour journey for another... 4 weeks.
  - The AWESOME Pharmacist just gave me 3 vials to tide me over and said to deal with the other people when I get back to NH.
  
  
• Won a free class at Type 1 University
  - I called in on DSMA live and correctly answered the following question:
  What are the names of the two hormones lacking in Type 1 Diabetes?
  - The answer is Insulin (which I think all of us know by now) and Amylin (which acts on stomach nerves to slow down the rate of digestion and aid glycemic control)
  - There are too many awesome classes for me to choose from so I'm picking my top 3 and letting you guys do the rest (just leave your vote in the comments!)
  *Blood Glucose Control During Sport & Exercise
  *Strike the Spike: After-Meal Glucose Control
  *Weight Loss for Insulin Users
  - Live Classes seem to all be in January so we'll see which class has the most votes in 2 weeks

Thanks for your help as always and for reading all my ramblings.

When There Are No Words...

I'm too busy to write so instead I'm posting my baking pictures from the week. I think they all tasted delicious!

The unfortunately burnt DSMA cookie... One of these days...

Blue Circle Sugar Cookies for World Diabetes Day!

Three Different Blue Circles for Three Different Reasons (Exercise, Eating, and Advocacy!)

Pumpking Pie for the DOC's Shining Blue Star: Cherise!

Monkey Wrenches

Life has a funny way of putting obstacles in front of you in order to see how high you can jump. This week is not particularly pleasant for me because of a Cell Biology exam I have on Thursday followed by a poster presentation with a fellow graduate student on Friday. This is kind of the norm of graduate school so I can't say that I'm terribly surprised, but I am a little disappointed to not be more out and about advocating for the American Diabetes Month. I've had to give up my facebook and Twitter feeds for a few days and it's kinda killing me (Yes, I'm one of those poorpeople who's addicted to social media...). I still read a few here and there but doing my best to stay focus is sooo difficult even when I'm in the "zone".

In the moments in between studying and programming and sleeping and sometimes eating, I've managed to at least participate and get the word out about a few really awesome Diabetes Awareness activities everyone with diabetes (and without) should know about. For instance...

• The BIG blue Test! or the big BLUE test! or the big blue TEST! (see what I did there?)
  I was in NYC helping out while they were shooting this awesome chick. (yea I'm hiding somewhere in those group shots). You don't have to have diabetes to participate. You just have to move. What's the reward? IMPROVING YOUR HEALTH! and SAVING LIVES! In the good old US of A and across the globe. All you have to do is exercise for 15 minutes. No silly signing up either! Check it out at www.bigbluetest.org
• Blue Fridays! With awesome giveaways! Even doable on rainy days! Bonus points if you wear blue everyday?! (okay, no more rhyming. I promise)
  Every Friday in November, wear a little or a lot of blue to raise awareness! In your hair, on your nails, with your friends...T-shirts, socks, and bathrobes will do too! Check out the Facebook page here! and follow #bluefriday on Twitter!
• Team Type 1's Run Across America
  If there were ever a group of people I'd follow off a cliff, it would probably these 10 (or 11) guys. Phil Southerland (the CEO) is a great guy, and he's a constant reminder that diabetes doesn't hold any of us down from surpassing our dreams. This group of diabetic athletes is running from coast to coast, and they are estimated to land in NYC on November 14th!
• Blood Sugar Testing Flash Mob in Times Square
  I'm gonna try my darnedest to make it out to Times Square for a Blood Sugar Testing Flash Mob in Times Square on noon on Sunday, Novemeber 13th in front of the Kodak screen. If you can't make it, help out this fantastic young man by sending a picture of you and your friend Diabetes to kodak@aerva.com to be there in spirit!
• World Diabetes Day Postcard Exchange
  Art is always therapeutic, but in this case, it's doubly so because I get to reach out to someone. I was assigned an awesome PWD (or their family, friends, and awesome associates). I get make some art for them. And then I'll get one. Let's hope it's something that doesn't turn out like those finger paints when I was three...
• World Diabetes Day
  Blue Monuments. Diabetes Awareness Events. Reach Out and Hug A Diabetic Events... I may be trapped in class all day, but I'll do something awesome for it all on my own if I have to!

Alright. I have another story to share but it's going to have to wait. Wish me luck on my test.

To test, or not to test...

DSMA Blog Carnival Question: What types of decisions and frequency of diabetes related decisions do you make in any given day?

My man, Shakespeare (or Hamlet), had the question phrased right even though he missed my topic. There are so many questions that role around in our minds all day long. Especially as a diabetic, the questions seem like they never end. I don't think that it's ever "noble" to choose laziness or indecision over responsibility or action but I can't say that I always represent myself as Queen of my diabetes...

I had a professor in my Freshman year of college tell me that computers are dumb machines. You tell it what to do and that's exactly what it does. So if it's malfunctioning, there's a good chance the problem lies between the keyboard and the chair (aka you told it something other than what you meant to). Whenever I think of decisions, I think of that little snippet of wisdom.

Making diabetes decisions isn't as nearly as easy as writing a computer program (okay, that's pretty difficult sometimes). I can't say if this crazy number appears, then I need exactly this much insulin to fix it (even though I wish I could). I constantly have to keep track of all these extra variables (sleeping, eating, exercising, etc) and my simple little if-statement blows out of proportion with extra clauses. If I ate, did I eat more protein, more carbs, or more vegetables? If I bolus, did I account for how long it takes my body to break down an apple versus pizza? Did I remember to subtract some for all the extra exercising I'm planning? Is it enough aerobic exercise or is it anaerobic and am I going to need more or less insulin? AND how do all of the answers to these gigantic questions come together?

The toughest decision I make is the one I run into most often. Should I test my blood sugar? Do I ever really want to test? NO. It's really that simple. But without knowing that little piece of info, it's like wandering around in the dark without knowing anything about where I am. Yes, sometimes I'll treat based on what my Dexcom (aka my blood sugar etch-a-sketch) says, buzzes, or screams at me. I don't feel good about it, but gosh darn it, it's a whoooooooole lot easier. I wake up every morning struggling with that decision. It plagues me at lunch when I realize I left my tester at my desk or in my car, and I really don't want to go wait any longer to eat. It nags me at night when I haven't checked, but I'm already tucked into bed. The way I understand it (and explain to everyone else too), I'm SUPPOSED to test:

• Whenever I wake up (yes it can happen more than once if I nap) [Let's guess once for this example]
• Whenever I go to bed
• Before I eat (Between 3 and 6 times a day) [That's why eating 6 meals in CRAZZZY but good for you nonetheless]
• 2 hours after I eat (Between 3 and 6 times a day) [post-prandial test. I despise them]
• Before I exercise
• After I exercise
• Before I drive my car
• Anytime in between when I feel "off"

So for anyone keeping track, that's a minimum of 10 times and a maximum of 16 times I "should" test everyday assuming I don't feel low or high all day long and don't drive. If I sleep for 8 hours, that means I’m testing about once an hour if I divide that maximum number up evenly. Do I ever test that often? Sometimes. Everyday? I'd lose my mind. Usually it's between 4 to 7 times a day that I stab my cute little fingers. I really can't stand doing post-prandials unless it's in preparation for a snack or I feel off.

For brevity, I won't talk about the decisions revolving around food or actually bolusing insulin. They occur way more than 3-6 times a day (somedays it feels like I’m hungry every second of the day). I won’t talk about the decisions I make in fear of low blood sugars (like drinking an extra swig of juice), high blood sugars (why, yes I’ll treat those double up arrows even though I know my continuous glucose monitor will be nose diving in ten minutes), and glucose roller coasters (how long can I go, eating nothing but vegetables and drinking nothing but water?). AND we really won't discuss my aversion to changing my infusion sites or sensors (REALLY REALLY hate it) and the decisions that those devices add to the situation (yes, I should put those extra supplies in my bag even if I'm going out on the town).

What makes diabetes really overwhelming is that I can't pass some of those decisions along to someone else (like when I tell my roomies to decide what our plans are for the evening). These silly diabetes decisions stick to me like glue. And when I decide to do nothing or be lazy, I end up paying the price with a hyperglycemic-hangover or a hypoglycemic-slump.

If I could build a little decision making diabetes robot or some sort of awesome diabetes-centered Magic-8 ball, then I would in a heartbeat. I'd save my decision making power for more important life and fun decisions. I'd instantly forget about how many silly Diabetes decisions I have to make every moment of every day and instead, spend more time deciding how big my smile should be or the minimum amount of sunshine I need to soak in a day to appropriately fuel that grin.

This post is my October entry in the DSMA Blog Carnival. If you’d like to participate too, you can get all of the information at http://diabetessocmed.com/2011/october-dsma-blog-carnival/

UNite for a Healthy Future

So yesterday was the UNite for a Healthy Future event at the NY Academy of Medicine / Central Park. And the only word I can keep coming up with to describe it is amazing.

When speaking to someone (a fellow PWD, a parent, an activist, I don't really remember who exactly [more on that later]), I was recalling the last time I had physically been in the room with many other diabetics. The last time it happened was maybe 3 years after my diagnosis and it was because my new doctor really wanted me to attend their support group. Unfortunately, most of the patients were much older or much younger and a little hard for me to relate to (I'll blame my youth & lack of experience cause I'm sure they were ripe with info). Despite attending a few fundraising activities like walks, I can't say I've really ever connected with another diabetic. I've been a diabetic for over 14 years now. Which means I've been sorely missing my fellow 'betes buddies.

Walking into a group of people and just being overwhelmed by this feeling of belonging was extremely cathartic and freeing. None of that means that I didn't spend the entire day talking about what I knew about diabetes, research, the FDA, human physiology, etc. But having other people there to help explain was really comforting. Not feeling strange to say, "Hey, I need to test first," was really bizarre for me after spending sooo much time being the only PWD I know.

To prepare for the day (and the at least 1.5 hr commute of walking, trains, and subways), I packed a large bag of snacks, extra clothes, and my diabetes supplies (I assumed I'd be outside and on my feet all day). What I really needed yesterday was a lot of water, a lot of energy, and a lot of glucose. Looking back, I wish I had packed a little differently but hopefully, this experience will help prepare for future diabetes outreach events.

So I was actually volunteering [for the awesome Isabella Platon @ IDF :)] at the event in addition to just being another person with D, which meant that I got to meet an extraordinary number of people that ranged the activism gamete (and forget their names regardless of how important & influential they are [sorry!]) while running around taking care of organizational things (what? why? where? when?). There was sooo much going on yesterday that there was actually a lot that I missed but I wanted to participate in.

The bullet point rundown & SUPER-brief recap of the events:

• Live Art Mural - All day creation of art representing different Non-Communicable Diseases (NCDs). The depictions were so creative, vivid, and enigmatic. I loved meeting/talking with Zoey Stevens but really all the artists were so curious about how and why diabetes affects everyday life.
• Children's Art Mural - Great event for kids lead by two art therapists including Lea Ann Thill.
• Bike Ride - Lead by Phil Southerland & Team Type 1, a group of 10-15 adults & kids rode a 1 kilometer track around Central Park.
• Big Blue Test Video Shoot / Walk - Walking around Central Park North handing out blue balloons and "woohoo"-ing for an hour while two awesome videographers captured our excitement and activism. Love knowing I'm helping to create something that will hopefully reach many people and do some good for the less fortunate all at the same time.
• Socamotion, Tai Chi, & Zumba - Enthralling and energetic ways to get your blood circulating, but unfortunately one of the things I didn't get to experience much (read: almost any) of.
• Information/Outreach Pods - Met lots of great people from the International Diabetes Federation, dLife, JDRF NY Ride to Cure, Living In Progress, TuDiabetes, and more. Everyone was super-welcoming, super-informative, and super-empowered.

Photos from the day can be found here and here! Unfortunately in all the craziness, not only did my phone die (with no extra charger in sight) leading to no awesome Twitter updates, but also I didn't manage to get any pictures that weren't requested by other people. But one of these days, I'll figure out how to multi-task a little more efficiently.

Laughter

If I didn't laugh about "misplacing" Diabetes (and real life) accessories, then I would probably still be hunting down my missing Eggy (Dexcom Reciever), my keys, or my sanity (I think that disappeared 7 or 8 years ago, but shh who's counting?). I walk in the door to my apartment with my keys, my cellphone, Eggy, and my tester in one hand. Recently, I lost my cellphone in a Kohl's while shopping through racks of clothes for something specific. The funny thing about all this is that I'm more likely to lose things while my blood sugar is dropping, which makes them harder to find. I sat down on the floor of the store, popped some glucose tabs, and 15 minutes later just as I was about to give up, on of the retail specialists found it! I laugh at how lucky I am. I laugh at where I find things (under bookshelves, in soccer fields, between seat cushions).

If I didn't laugh about my scar tattoos and hole-y fingers, then I would probably notice all the liquids that leak inadvertently. After having this disease for 14 years, I'm covered in all sorts of scars (my favorites [not] being my infusion site freckles), well beyond my non-D scars (I was a super-clumsy kid and had stitches 4? times). But I notice that not all pokes heal as quickly as you'd think. I love giggling at the double squirters on my fingers (aka when you prick and squeeze the stabbed finger only to notice blood coming out in two places [especially awesome when it's on opposite sides of my finger]). My infusion sites leak when they're just removed and when I decided I want to pick at the scabs. This doesn't include the number of times I've had a juice box leak or squeezed 3/4 of it out on the floor or my clothes in my eagerness for sugar. I laugh at all the stains. As much as I love the color white, I walk around like a stiff robot when I do wear it for fear of ruining a new outfit.

If I didn't laugh about the reasons people think I'm having a D-moment, then I would probably still be lecturing them sternly about all the awesome things I do with my diabetes. It's taken me a while to get to the age where I no longer get upset when people ask me if my blood sugar is okay. My teenage years were not my best years (and if they were for you, kudos for being in the minority). I would get worked up over something my parents or friends would say/do, which would promptly be followed by yelling or even the occasional crying fit (now those are reserved for sappy movies and little kids). They'd ask if my blood sugar was okay and I'd get even more furious. Diabetes does not possess me like a demonic spirit. It's just a disease. Yes, my emotions run wild sometimes because of highs/lows but they're still MY emotions. Instead of getting angry and letting a moment take over my blood sugar, I've learned to laugh and accept that at least they care. In the past few years, people have asked if my blood sugar is okay because I look "funny","tired", or "confused". 90% of the time, I'm okay. Which means 90% of the time I'm laughing at them. I laugh when my climbing partners try to convince me that I need to eat some fruit for sugar instead of just a handful of nuts. When my new roomie walks into my room and asks me if I need some juice whenever I look tired, I can't do anything but smirk. I've learned that teaching people about diabetes is a slow process for some. Diabetes has never stopped me from anything I've really wanted to do. Only I can hold me back and let's just say I'm not a fan of that.

This post is my September entry in the DSMA Blog Carnival. If you’d like to participate too, you can get all of the information at http://diabetessocmed.com/2011/september-dsma-blog-carnival/

Technology: Benifits and Drawbacks

So I'm a biomedical engineer (BME). When I started college, I really wanted to be playing with stem cells, but I picked the school who's BME program was all biomechanics, aka movement analysis and prosthetics, because they gave me lots of money to go there. As I took more and more classes, I realized I really enjoyed bioinstrumentation, aka fancy medical devices, because on any given day, I can be found carrying at least three of them on my person.

I was psyched when I saw that the DSMA (Diabetes Social Media Advocacy) was hosting a discussion week about medical devices. Unfortunately, because my social life is sideways and upside down in the summer, I haven't been able to join in to any of the convos. but I read the transcripts and try and listen in on at least some of the radiotalk on Thursdays. Then, I found out that it was this month's blog carnival, and I've been scheming about what to write about since I saw it. **I go back and forth with a lot of these issues because while I understand why they exist, I still think it sucks**

Because I'm on the up and up (I think) on how device development works, I know that bringing serious innovation forward to existing devices is hard. Partly because of how the FDA approves changes and partly because of how big business works. After that comes all the cool stuff I'd like to see happen with our current D technology.

Regulation of medical technology is hard. Period. It's a little backward in the US but it's not always better in other countries either. EACH country has different approval mechanisms. Some are easier and believe it or not some are harder to gain regulatory approval. So yes, while I'm jealous about the Animas Vibe coming out in the UK, I understand why they started there.

Regulatory approval is like those car seatbelt alarms. While they annoy the daylights out of you and they're pesky, the ONLY reason they're there is to help keep you alive. They're not really trying to hold back innovation and cool new technologies. They exist to keep us safe from medical fiascoes like the Pinto (read car that burst into flames) for the car industry. Also keep in mind, while some of what they do and their procedures make no sense, NOTHING in the medical or political world is close to perfect.

So the big bad world of big business makes it really hard for a basement tinkerer to come up with something really cool in terms of D-technology. They have lots of money and lots of resources. When larger companies absorb smaller companies, sometimes awesome things happen and sometimes awful things do. This goes back to the previous point but it's really tough and expensive to win regulatory approval as a small firm between the amount of money for the trials and the amount of paperwork to ensure you actually thought the idea through. A lot of times people have to sell their ideas to bigger companies so that they make it to the hands of everyday people like us. I was a little sad when I read the Deltec Cozmo pump (pump with meter attached) was going out of business because I was so psyched at how different it was from the other major pumps in the market. While I don't know their reasons, I do understand the pressures from a very competitive market.

As far as my hopes for D-technology, I'll break it up in 2 ways: Near Future and WAYYY out there. Everyone thinks that smaller is better when it comes to technology (see anything about cell phones and mp3 players). While smaller is cooler in some cases, bigger is also better too (especially for the older peeps with D). There are some populations of people with D that don't get as much attention as they nearly need. The two in my mind are the uber-technophiles like me and those kids who are diagnosed early on (because if I see a commercial selling my diabetes supplies with medicare once more, I may scream at the TV about how I'm not old enough for that by decades).

As far as technophiles, there's tons that we wish we could do with our D-technology. 1 integrated device to carry around instead of 3 or 4 would be awesome (are there security concerns? sure, but can't we decide our data risks personally?). Looking at our data in different forms and playing with it find trends that important to us. Customizing our devices sometimes plays a big role (see bg meter via iphone). I think someone brought up the incredible point of putting a light where the strip goes and the blood gets sucked in so we can test in the dark (think movie theaters, bedrooms, camping trips). Even some fluorescent or glow in the dark action on strips (I know you're supposed to keep them in a cool dark place but still) would be cool. It amazes me that not all pumps come with remote controls and there aren't smartphone widgets for inputting d-numbers to track. I HATE that I have to put carbs and bgs into my pump and then my dexcom. If tracking is SO important, why do they make it so impossible? I want more options. Can't we decide how complicated or simple we want our medical devices to be? I can get a less powerful version of an iphone for less money than the brand new one, but I can't do that with my medical devices? Can't I upgrade the processor or order more software to tinker with it myself at MY OWN RISK? (Although to be honest, I think that's more the FDA then the companies)

For kids? It's been a while and I was diagnosed close enough to puberty that I've always been pretty much the same size. But I met a d-dad at an interview who was telling me about how disappointed he was that his son couldn't live with an insulin pump because it's too big for him. With all of these miniaturization and customization skills that companies have, they haven't figured out how to make pumps and devices sized for kids. Ones that have smaller reservoirs and fewer options than the regular-sized adult ones would make their lives that much easier. They've started coming out with cellphones for kids that can gradually be transitioned to real phones. Why don't they have grow with you insulin pumps targeted to the ages of 0-12 years?

There are also things that most diabetics are disappointed and confused by. Like the accuracy of our testing devices. Why can two identical meters be so far off? (Variables. Temperature. Test strips. Tolerances in device specs. Testing locations. Blah blah blah. Seriously?) If we can send people to space, why can't I test my blood sugar when I'm snowboarding because my meter is too cold or at the beach because its too hot?

As far as the future, I'm right there with everyone for a cure or at least an implantable pump. I understand the difficulties with reservoirs and batteries as well as scar tissue and glucose monitoring physiology. I just would love something that would make me worry less 24/7. I'd be happy to forget that I have diabetes for more than an hour (most days, not even that).

I know that technology isn't instant like microwave noodles. It takes time and money and a lot of innovative minds. But I can't lie and say that I don't want more. More accuracy. More options. More simplicity. More sizes. I want more, and I want it soon.

This post is my July entry in the DSMA Blog Carnival. If you’d like to participate too, you can get all of the information at http://diabetessocmed.com/2011/july-dsma-blog-carnival/