Thursday, July 9, 2015

And again...

Life with diabetes often feels like a washing machine going down a roller coaster, akin to my inexperienced perception of a 4-D roller coaster. You do the same things day in and day out but each day is a little smoother or rougher depending on where you're sitting and what the track is throwing at you next. I'm not excited for the next loop.

Next week, I have an endo appointment. The dread is starting to loom, and as always, there are two tracks playing in my brain. One says, "Stop stressing. These appointments aren't that big of a deal. She loves you. You're her favorite patient." Meanwhile, the negative nancy track is moaning, "Why haven't you been doing a better job? I've seen those spikes. Your HbA1c is going to be outrageous. Get ready to be ridiculed and torn apart for 30 minutes."

I'm pretty reasonable. I know the truth lies somewhere between these two, and realistically close to the former than the latter. But. I. am. tired. I'm a little burnt out with the rest of the roller coaster: grad school, injuries*, family issues, social demands, etc. Diabetes and other self care hasn't been high on the priority list. Should it be? Probably. I guess all I can do is wait and see what happens. Mentally stressing about it isn't doing me any good.

*I hurt my thumb. No, I'm not sure how. Yes, it's been a while  ~ 2 months. No, I don't think it's getting better. Yes, I did see a doctor. Resting your dominant hand sucks. I could rant about this for days, but it's not the point of this post.*