The New, The Old, and the Restless

The New: I ventured to the Sanofi US Headquarters on Monday for a super tiny focus group with Joslin Diabetes Educators for a new training program: "Are You on the Road to Living Well with Diabetes?" Most of my excitement stemmed from the fact that I found out about all of this through Twitter. While I thought the material was pretty repetitive, I realize that they're hitting their target audience (newly diagnosed / searching for better control) really well. I did learn a few things here and there, and I love their new analogies for diabetes control. Plus, there's a magic number for your microalbumin that you should know: under 30 for happy kidneys. I spent the better part of the session trying to keep myself from blurting out answers to questions for the program mangers and hug the other people in the session (must pretend to be polite, right?). The really cool part was that I got a free HbA1c just for answering some questions. My results show that I'm still at the same spot (6.2) even though I'm eating differently and working out more. I'm much happier about that, because I'm doing it without being low 24/7. Curious to see about my cholesterol levels with the new diet but my lipid panel must wait until June.

The Old: My car is all better. No check engine light. I'm not sure if I can feel a difference in how it drives (or if I'm supposed to) but I will find out very quickly in the next week with copious hours driving from state to state (it's spring break, don't cha know?). Despite the many hours in my car, I still have a ton of work to get done so that's going to be... interesting?

The Restless: I WANT TO KICK MY BUTT INTO GEAR. To do anything. I don't know what's up with my motivation lately. I want to scream. I want to run and jump and tumble. I want to accomplish something. Any recommendations on how to do so would be helpful.

Trust Yourself

I saw my endocrinologist just three days before the beginning of the new year.

In the hustle and bustle of the last few weeks of my first semester, I may have let my diabetes care slide a little bit (read: like WHOA). Something about the stress of finals and staying up all night leads to intermittent to non-existent finger sticks along with copious amounts of diet coke and nothing but take out dinners. There were definitely days when I only checked what my blood sugar twice and saw numbers floating in the 200s and 300s (if ever you were curious, stress does make your blood sugar rise). I leaned heavily on my Egg-shaped friend and took somewhat random correction boluses. This routine disturbingly echoes my diabetes managements techniques as an undergraduate, except I didn't have a continuous monitor to keep an eye on my waxing and waning sugar levels.

Between celebrating that school was over, driving up and down the northeast, and trying to unwind, I completely forgot about my appointment. Somewhere in the back of my head, I knew there was some reason I hadn't made any plans for travelling or adventuring with friends for that Thursday. When the receptionist called, I mumbled my affirmation that I would be there. A mental image of a mostly empty spreadsheet appeared in my mind instantaneously. I didn't even pause before thinking my HbA1c would be somewhere between 7 and 9. The worry and fret weren't far behind.

I always want to be doing my best. If I can walk into my doctor's office knowing I've been trying, I don't have anything to fear. I can hold my head up high and answer any doc's questions. But this appointment was different. All I had to show were a bunch of excuses. Life gets in the way sometimes, but my good health gives me the ability to do more.

All bundled up, I walked into the office and handed the receptionist my dismal looking log. After a few minutes of waiting and watching dLife clips (love seeing people I "know" and know of on television), the nurse called me in. We went through the weight and blood pressure routine while exchanging niceties. She laughed when I told her I was a professional pin-cushion as she checked my blood sugar and loaded the on-site HbA1c tester. My doctor walked in a little hurried looking while the tester was still counting down. We chatted a bit and then she said something about not wanting to make any changes to my basal rates since she trusted my abilities to do so, she didn't have a log to look at, and my HbA1c hadn't changed much. I was so taken aback that I didn't notice or correct her about the log. In the 4 months at school and the crazy stress of finals, my HbA1c had only risen 0.2 points, which is well within the error range of those machines. She wished me well after my brief verbal and physical examination and was on her way out after before the full realization of that sunk in.

I don't usually make New Year's resolutions, because they are very rarely kept. This year, however, I'm very determined to make and keep a very different resolution. Do I want to lose weight? Yea, but that can be tackled later. Right now, all I want to do is trust myself more. I want to trust my behavior. I want to trust that I'm doing my best. I want to trust and have faith for better results than the rational side of me would expect. Because stressing and worrying about what's coming isn't healthy for anyone. My resolution for 2012 is to believe in me, to believe in good things, and to believe in optimistic outcomes.

Dusting Off My Writing Skills

I've been a random-time/day blogger for a little while now. But I think I'm ready to commit to at least 3 blog posts a week. I'm aiming to update MWF (for consistency sake). Hopefully, this will help me dust off (read: develop) my writing skills and maybe ramble a little less.

When my Google calender surreptitiously announced that it was December, I started to panic.

When you're a college student, December means that a semester is about to end. Exams. Papers. Projects. They all begin to pile up and impede on simple things like workouts, regular meals, and sleep.

For me as a diabetic with the privilege of health insurance, December means the end of annual coverage aka check up time. Some people schedule to see doctors across the year, or the summer, or the start of the year. For me, the fancy specialists I see once year all get crammed into December.

Since I moved to a new place this year, it meant trying to schedule time to call and see new doctors. I was really lucky to manage to find specialists with openings within the next two weeks. So far this December I have acquired a comprehensive primary care doctor (annual physical & REALLY important school paperwork) and a podiatrist. My ophthalmologist appointment is on Wednesday.

To be honest, I never really cared for seeing a podiatrist. They spend a few minutes looking at my feet, a few minutes poking the bottom with a fun flexible needle, and a few minutes holding a tuning fork to my foot. Minus the tickling (laughter is the best medicine after all), I don't understand what looking at my feet for about 10 minutes would do that I couldn't just vocalize. i already know that temporary tingling and numbness in the feet is usually caused by nerve compression (bad shoes or socks). Especially since I can recite all the nerves that I may be impinging upon to cause such ailments, seeing a doctor for my feet numbs my brain... but I do it anyway.

Also for some reason, every time I see a podiatrist, there are always people 4 times my age in the waiting room leering at me and wondering "Why is this perfectly healthy young lady seeing MY foot doctor?" Listen nice old lady, I'm not here committing a crime. I (potentially) have feet problem too.

This time I learned something new though (and I'm happy whenever that happens at a doctor's appointment). Apparently, the Achilles Tendon stiffens over time with Diabetes. This is particularly a problem for people who have poor flexibility in that tendon from birth (genetic and environmental factors). On the upside, level of dorsal flexion (basically how far back you can push the base of my foot up toward my calf) and therefore, my Achilles tendon is in good shape so far.

When I went to the receptionist to schedule my appointment for next year, she said I'd have to call next September. Apparently she's baffled by scheduling out that far. That foot doctor is lucky I like him otherwise that would've been enough to make me try someone else. Here's to hoping I remember to call.