Wordless Wednesday: Birthday by the Pictures

Thank you to everyone who made yesterday an awesome kick off to the next (fantastic) year of my life!

Not Such a Secret

"I'm from New Jersey. I'm seventeen. I'm Pakistani. I'm Pre-med. I'm majoring in Biomedical Engineering. And, oh, I'm a diabetic."

This statement came out of my mouth several dozen times when I started my undergraduate studies. From the first time I was away from the cocoon of my family, I always disclosed my diabetes. But I also treated it as an afterthought. Therefore, everyone around me didn't really notice the diabetes. Usually it was exactly what I wanted except for the few occasional times people forgot.

Why did I tell them? Because it made me feel safe to know the people closest to me knew well about my "serious" medical condition. And because my mother always told everyone for me. Loudly. And vehemently. But after freshman year, the splurge train about my diabetes didn't roll out very often. Mostly because I felt too independent (read: cocky teenager) to share about my life with the big D everyday. It was my own mental hurdle to overcome. I nonchalantly told my research advisers about it and they never really cared about the days off or extra snack breaks. I'm lucky that nothing horrible has ever happened with my diabetes, but planning for the worst case scenarios has always given me a safety blanket.

Since becoming an active participant in the DOC, I bring up my diabetes more often than I used to, but my "it's no big deal" attitude towards it hasn't changed at all. I'm still learning about what kind of people to tell in what manner. Sometimes inundating people with facts is not the right way to go. Sometimes not telling them enough makes them feel less important or unintelligent. Sometimes they just figure it out by watching me inhale glucose tabs or stab my fingers.

What I recently realized is that I shouldn't be ashamed of my diabetes and all it entails. I can scream that I have diabetes from the roof tops. I shouldn't be embarrassed by the beeping or the bleeding. Now, I do have stuff to be embarrassed about (like my guilty pleasure music or not zipping up my fly) but all in all my slacker pancreas and the havoc it causes shouldn't ever bring about shame. Because I can't control everything. I try to do my best and remember all the things I am without diabetes ever coming into the picture.

I am adventurous.

I am a rock climber.

I am smarter than the average bear.

I am a student.

I am caring.

I am a daughter, a sister, and an aunt.

And I am thriving with diabetes (in case you didn't know).

This post is my March entry in the DSMA Blog Carnival. If you’d like to participate too, you can get all of the information at http://diabetessocmed.com/2012/march-dsma-blog-carnival-2/

Vacations, Bad Luck, & Emergency Baking

It's weeks like these that make me feel like Diabetes isn't going to kill me. Stress on the other hand...

I apologize for the impromptu hiatus in blog posts. I'm a little disappointed for not making a goal I set to post regularly. Honestly, I'm burnt out on responsibilities at the moment. I needed to take a real break from everything for a little while, which was amazing while that feeling lasted (and unfortunately it was extremely short lived).

So what have I been doing? I took the week after Christmas to sleep out the exhaustion from my first semester and the crazy holiday/semester-end celebrations. There was quite a bit of driving around. I think I spent 14 hrs in a car over a 48 hr span of time. Every day that week began with many hours of sleep and a few enjoyable hours on the couch watching bad television (because really, it's the only kind).

Unluckily, my laptop crashed the day after I returned to New Jersey after only functioning for about 45 minutes. It was a serious blue screen of death followed by a "I won't boot regardless of how nicely you ask me" tantrum. Two system restores, many phone calls to HP tech repair, and 48 hours later my laptop was mildly functional. I just recently (as in the last few hours) installed Windows 7 and restored its functionality (read: it's no longer a very expensive paperweight).

This past Saturday, I managed to have my cell phone and One Touch Ultralink meter lost (and probably now stolen) in a public restroom. That lead to a very unpleasant 24 hours where I was relying very heavily on my continuous glucose monitor (EGGY TO THE RESCUE!). Needless to say, I have had multiple moments of undue stress, unclear thinking, and reckless panic. I still haven't slept to make up for all of it.

It proved to be a fairly (but not insanely) expensive mistake. I bought a new phone from AT&T and a One Touch mini from my favorite pharmacy. To try and unwind a little, I googled a quick recipe for my favorite (and mildly famous) chocolate chip cheesecake cookies since all my recipes are hiding in the backed up files on my external hard drive somewhere. Whipped up a batch as speedily as I could. I'm all sorts of discombobulated still. But indeed a delivered pizza and baked goods do ease large quantities of stress, in case you thought otherwise.

I'm sure you'll see upcoming posts that were intended for well before their actual post date. I hope they haven't hit their expiration dates.

Monkey Wrenches

Life has a funny way of putting obstacles in front of you in order to see how high you can jump. This week is not particularly pleasant for me because of a Cell Biology exam I have on Thursday followed by a poster presentation with a fellow graduate student on Friday. This is kind of the norm of graduate school so I can't say that I'm terribly surprised, but I am a little disappointed to not be more out and about advocating for the American Diabetes Month. I've had to give up my facebook and Twitter feeds for a few days and it's kinda killing me (Yes, I'm one of those poorpeople who's addicted to social media...). I still read a few here and there but doing my best to stay focus is sooo difficult even when I'm in the "zone".

In the moments in between studying and programming and sleeping and sometimes eating, I've managed to at least participate and get the word out about a few really awesome Diabetes Awareness activities everyone with diabetes (and without) should know about. For instance...

• The BIG blue Test! or the big BLUE test! or the big blue TEST! (see what I did there?)
  I was in NYC helping out while they were shooting this awesome chick. (yea I'm hiding somewhere in those group shots). You don't have to have diabetes to participate. You just have to move. What's the reward? IMPROVING YOUR HEALTH! and SAVING LIVES! In the good old US of A and across the globe. All you have to do is exercise for 15 minutes. No silly signing up either! Check it out at www.bigbluetest.org
• Blue Fridays! With awesome giveaways! Even doable on rainy days! Bonus points if you wear blue everyday?! (okay, no more rhyming. I promise)
  Every Friday in November, wear a little or a lot of blue to raise awareness! In your hair, on your nails, with your friends...T-shirts, socks, and bathrobes will do too! Check out the Facebook page here! and follow #bluefriday on Twitter!
• Team Type 1's Run Across America
  If there were ever a group of people I'd follow off a cliff, it would probably these 10 (or 11) guys. Phil Southerland (the CEO) is a great guy, and he's a constant reminder that diabetes doesn't hold any of us down from surpassing our dreams. This group of diabetic athletes is running from coast to coast, and they are estimated to land in NYC on November 14th!
• Blood Sugar Testing Flash Mob in Times Square
  I'm gonna try my darnedest to make it out to Times Square for a Blood Sugar Testing Flash Mob in Times Square on noon on Sunday, Novemeber 13th in front of the Kodak screen. If you can't make it, help out this fantastic young man by sending a picture of you and your friend Diabetes to kodak@aerva.com to be there in spirit!
• World Diabetes Day Postcard Exchange
  Art is always therapeutic, but in this case, it's doubly so because I get to reach out to someone. I was assigned an awesome PWD (or their family, friends, and awesome associates). I get make some art for them. And then I'll get one. Let's hope it's something that doesn't turn out like those finger paints when I was three...
• World Diabetes Day
  Blue Monuments. Diabetes Awareness Events. Reach Out and Hug A Diabetic Events... I may be trapped in class all day, but I'll do something awesome for it all on my own if I have to!

Alright. I have another story to share but it's going to have to wait. Wish me luck on my test.

Laughter

If I didn't laugh about "misplacing" Diabetes (and real life) accessories, then I would probably still be hunting down my missing Eggy (Dexcom Reciever), my keys, or my sanity (I think that disappeared 7 or 8 years ago, but shh who's counting?). I walk in the door to my apartment with my keys, my cellphone, Eggy, and my tester in one hand. Recently, I lost my cellphone in a Kohl's while shopping through racks of clothes for something specific. The funny thing about all this is that I'm more likely to lose things while my blood sugar is dropping, which makes them harder to find. I sat down on the floor of the store, popped some glucose tabs, and 15 minutes later just as I was about to give up, on of the retail specialists found it! I laugh at how lucky I am. I laugh at where I find things (under bookshelves, in soccer fields, between seat cushions).

If I didn't laugh about my scar tattoos and hole-y fingers, then I would probably notice all the liquids that leak inadvertently. After having this disease for 14 years, I'm covered in all sorts of scars (my favorites [not] being my infusion site freckles), well beyond my non-D scars (I was a super-clumsy kid and had stitches 4? times). But I notice that not all pokes heal as quickly as you'd think. I love giggling at the double squirters on my fingers (aka when you prick and squeeze the stabbed finger only to notice blood coming out in two places [especially awesome when it's on opposite sides of my finger]). My infusion sites leak when they're just removed and when I decided I want to pick at the scabs. This doesn't include the number of times I've had a juice box leak or squeezed 3/4 of it out on the floor or my clothes in my eagerness for sugar. I laugh at all the stains. As much as I love the color white, I walk around like a stiff robot when I do wear it for fear of ruining a new outfit.

If I didn't laugh about the reasons people think I'm having a D-moment, then I would probably still be lecturing them sternly about all the awesome things I do with my diabetes. It's taken me a while to get to the age where I no longer get upset when people ask me if my blood sugar is okay. My teenage years were not my best years (and if they were for you, kudos for being in the minority). I would get worked up over something my parents or friends would say/do, which would promptly be followed by yelling or even the occasional crying fit (now those are reserved for sappy movies and little kids). They'd ask if my blood sugar was okay and I'd get even more furious. Diabetes does not possess me like a demonic spirit. It's just a disease. Yes, my emotions run wild sometimes because of highs/lows but they're still MY emotions. Instead of getting angry and letting a moment take over my blood sugar, I've learned to laugh and accept that at least they care. In the past few years, people have asked if my blood sugar is okay because I look "funny","tired", or "confused". 90% of the time, I'm okay. Which means 90% of the time I'm laughing at them. I laugh when my climbing partners try to convince me that I need to eat some fruit for sugar instead of just a handful of nuts. When my new roomie walks into my room and asks me if I need some juice whenever I look tired, I can't do anything but smirk. I've learned that teaching people about diabetes is a slow process for some. Diabetes has never stopped me from anything I've really wanted to do. Only I can hold me back and let's just say I'm not a fan of that.

This post is my September entry in the DSMA Blog Carnival. If you’d like to participate too, you can get all of the information at http://diabetessocmed.com/2011/september-dsma-blog-carnival/

Diabetes Wonder

I have gone from feeling like a diabetes burnout super-freak to feeling like the diabetic wonder-child.

Today, I visited a Certified Diabetes Educator in...3 or 4 years. My mom and I had an awesome relationship with my last CDE. When I outgrew the peds clinic and my parents moved to NH, I transferred to Dr. Awful and hadn't seen a CDE since. What that meant is that some of those awesome Diabetes skills I had acquired over the years (aka knowing what to do in emergencies, how to rotate my sites, tips and tricks) had gotten a little rusty over the years. For instance, my pump broke and I tried giving a shot into my arm muscles instead of arm fat. If you're really that curious, remember that I highly recommend AGAINST it.

Anyways, I had a few discussion points I was interested in: Alternate sites because my stomach is starting to look like Swiss Cheese; Adjustments to my Insulin to Carb Ratio: More tips for dual wave bolusing cause what I've tried so far hasn't quite worked.

All in all her answers while mostly textbook were all laced with the same theme: You're an empowered, smart, and motivated Diabetes patient aka wonder-child. She raved about how good everything looked and how I should stick to what I'm doing with some slight modifications here and there.

Now all in all, I haven't been anywhere near a good diabetic patient in years. What changed? I got a Dexcom and started reading more about awesome diabetics online. Actually, truth be told, the reading was probably what motivated me to switch to the Dex. Point is that behind every "good" diabetic is a lot of people: Doctors, Family, Friends. Ultimately, having someone who knows what it's like living with this crazy condition day after day really gives you a kick in the pants. It makes you aspire to be better and remember that you're human. So, thank you DOC for motivating me to take better care of myself.