Those are my three words describing what Type 1 Diabetes means to me. Since I like to ramble (on and on and on), here's why I picked those three little words.
Having a condition where one small mistake like taking too much insulin can cost my life scares the daylights out of me. I'm afraid about tons of things about my body (but not creepy crawlies, dark spaces, and strange places). Is every new ache or pain a sign that I'm developing another chronic condition as a complication resulting from inattention to my nagging friend, Diabetes? Is my foot numb because I'm going to loose it or just because I was sitting on it funny? Will I fall asleep one day and wake up the next unable to see? And what if I don't wake up? I believe that somethings are beyond my control. Yes, I could step off the curb and get hit by a bus or have a freak tree fall on me. I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of living a life where I can't do or experience things the way I'm used to because of ME.
I'm angry that there isn't a cure yet (just around the corner, right?). I'm angry I have to stab my fingers. I'm angry that people don't understand (yes, I can eat sugar. Thank you very much for your concern). I don't express that anger all the time but it doesn't mean that it isn't there. I'm angry that I have to spend so much time scheduling and seeing doctors. I'm angry that dealing with medical (or any) insurance companies is so difficult (but I'm grateful that I have it). I'm angry that I survived because I was born and raised in the United States but if it was one of many other parts of the world, I wouldn't have made it these past 14 years. I'm angry that diabetes tries to hold me back, but...
I am stronger for having lived with this crummy chronic condition. I was the only 9 year old I knew that wasn't afraid of hospitals. I'm living the life I want to be (even though I may complain sometimes). Diabetes has taught me about my body and how it works. I had a better understanding of the Endocrine system by the time I was 14 years old than some early medical students I know because I devoured books about my Pancreas (read: Paperweight). I'm a fighter (that anger sometimes helps me with finding energy to fight). Diabetes won't put me down. Not shots. Not sticks. Not sugar. These things won't hold me back from getting to what I want for my life.
This post was written as part of the JDRF Juvenation Blog Carnival for National Diabetes Month! For more information, check out their post here or Juvenation.org!
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